somewhere along the way, self-care became…an ENTIRE production, didn't it?
the spa appointments. the skincare routines. the expensive products. the perfectly curated morning rituals. the bubble baths + a really dreamy spa-like bathroom with every single candle you have in your home lit at the same time.
listen, i love a good spa day as much as the next woman. and candles. i love a good candle any day, anytime. but i've been thinking lately about how often we overlook the simplest opportunities to care for ourselves because we've convinced ourselves that self-care has to be something big. something scheduled. something purchased. something earned…something that requires us to step away from our ordinary lives instead of something we can practice right in the middle of them.
what if self-care is a whole lot simpler than we've made it?
——————————
sometimes self-care looks like going to the bathroom when you actually need to instead of holding it for another three hours.
sometimes self-care looks like putting chapstick on when your lips are dry.
sometimes self-care looks like buying yourself new underwear because, quite frankly, you just need some new underwear.
sometimes self-care looks like sitting down to eat your lunch instead of standing at the kitchen counter eating whatever is left on your little’s plate.
sometimes self-care looks like watching an entire movie without folding laundry at the same time.
and sometimes self-care looks like folding laundry instead of watching the movie!
sometimes self-care looks like placing a grocery pickup order instead of making yourself go into the store today.
sometimes self-care looks like drinking water instead of reaching for another cup of coffee.
sometimes self-care looks like grabbing the pumpkin spice latte because you want one.
sometimes self-care looks like shaving your legs because you can.
sometimes self-care looks like going for a walk without headphones so you can hear the birds, notice the world around you + feel the sun on your skin.
sometimes self-care looks like taking the scenic route home simply because it makes you happy.
sometimes self-care looks like rolling every window down in your car + scream-singing your favorite songs at the top of your lungs without checking to see who's watching.
sometimes self-care looks like watching hilarious animal reels on social media + laughing until your stomach hurts.
and sometimes self-care looks like making the choice to put your phone down for the rest of the day.
sometimes self-care looks like calling your mom.
sometimes self-care looks like lighting a candle [she’s a candle girlyyyyyy!!!], putting on fuzzy socks + making an ordinary evening feel a little more lovely.
sometimes self-care looks like getting dressed up simply because you feel like it.
and sometimes it looks like putting on your favorite sweats the second you walk through the door.
sometimes self-care looks like going to bed when you're tired instead of trying to squeeze one more thing out of the day.
sometimes self-care looks like putting on clothes that fit your body today instead of squeezing into the jeans you've been hoping would fit again.
sometimes self-care looks like saying no to a good thing so you can say yes to a different good thing.
and sometimes self-care looks like not offering a five-paragraph explanation for why you said no.
sometimes self-care looks like asking for help before you’ve reached the point of resentment.
sometimes self-care looks like saying "no thanks!" to the gal at the cash register who asks for your email address.
sometimes self-care looks like telling someone what you need instead of hoping they'll figure it out.
sometimes self-care looks like saying "actually, that hurt my feelings" instead of pretending it didn't.
sometimes self-care looks like changing your mind after you've had time to reflect, pray + think.
sometimes self-care looks like giving yourself permission to begin again, right here in this moment.
sometimes self-care looks like bringing your actual feelings to prayer instead of the ones you think you're supposed to have.
sometimes self-care looks like remembering that you are not responsible for holding everything or everyone together.
sometimes self-care looks like trusting that God is still at work when you have absolutely nothing to show for your efforts.
sometimes self-care looks like extending grace + compassion to yourself as you remember that this is the first time you've done this thing called LIFE.
—————————————
none of these things are particularly impressive.
they're not necessarily “Instagram-worthy.” they don't require an elaborate routine, a significant investment or a whole afternoon blocked off on your calendar. some take only a few seconds. others require a little more time, courage, awareness or intentionality.
…i wonder how many of these opportunities we miss because we're so accustomed to pushing through, rushing ahead or ignoring what we need.
we ignore the urge to use the bathroom because we're busy. we tell ourselves we'll rest when everything is finished. we say yes because saying no feels uncomfortable. we avoid difficult conversations because we don't want to “make things harder.” we turn even the simplest moments into opportunities to be productive.
and then we wonder why we're so tired.
i think sometimes we've become so good at taking care of everything + everyone around us that we've forgotten how to pay attention to ourselves.
not in a self-absorbed, egotistical sort of way. but in a way that recognizes that we, too, are human beings with needs, limits, desires + a capacity for delight.
we are not machines designed to produce as much as possible before finally shutting down for the night.
we are persons. embodied persons. and our bodies are not inconveniences to ignore simply because we have things to do.
they are gifts entrusted to our care.
which means caring for ourselves isn't always about doing more.
sometimes it's simply about noticing more: noticing that we're tired. noticing that we're hungry. noticing that something feels uncomfortable. noticing that we need a little fresh air, a little quiet, a good laugh or a moment to ourselves. noticing that something is beautiful. noticing that we're carrying something heavy + need to share it with someone. noticing that we've been expecting ourselves to know everything, handle everything + somehow never need anything.
and once we’ve noticed - we can choose to respond:
self-care doesn't always require more time, money or effort. sometimes it requires more awareness, permission + intentionality.
i think there's something really beautiful about that.
AND here’s the thing -
self-care isn't always doing what feels good in the moment.
sometimes it looks like making the harder choice: having the uncomfortable conversation. setting the boundary. choosing what you actually need over what would be easiest right now.
sometimes it looks like discipline. sometimes it looks like delight. sometimes it looks like rest. sometimes it looks like courage.
and sometimes it looks like knowing the difference.
because what serves us well today might look entirely different from what served us well yesterday.
one day, caring for yourself might mean getting outside + moving your body. and on another day, it might mean recognizing that what you actually need is rest. one day, it might mean reaching out to someone. and on another day, it might mean giving yourself permission to be quiet.
there isn't a single formula for caring for ourselves well.
and maybe that's why self-care requires us to pay attention in the first place.
to become familiar with our own needs, to recognize our limits, to learn when to push + when to pause. to grow in our ability to discern what is good for us rather than simply doing what we've always done. and perhaps most importantly, to remember that we are worthy of the same care, patience + compassion we so readily extend to the people we love.
we don't have to wait for a vacation, a free weekend, an empty calendar or a season of life with fewer demands to begin caring for ourselves.
we can practice it right here. today.
in our kitchens. in our cars. in our bathrooms. on our walks. in our relationships. in our prayer. in the middle of the ordinary, sometimes chaotic, wonderfully human lives we're living. and maybe that's exactly what makes these ordinary moments so meaningful - they remind us that our lives are not merely something to get through.
there is goodness to receive here. beauty to notice. joy to experience…and a God who meets us in the middle of it all.
————————————
self-care isn't always about making yourself feel better. much of the time, it's about treating yourself better.
and maybe today, that doesn't require another thing added to your to-do list. maybe it simply begins with paying attention. noticing what you need. noticing what's good. noticing what's beautiful. and choosing to respond to yourself with a little more kindness, intention + care.
even if that just means finally going to the bathroom.
SCB.